I guess it’s a good thing that we are about to have a debate this week between the two candidates for President. They say more people will watch Thursday night than watched the Super Bowl. Good, we need some distraction. The summer heat is wearing down man and beast. The grass crunches when you walk on it. Prices at the pump and the grocery store are causing dangerous levels of stress and strain, and relief for the human spirit in the form of college football is still two months away. So, yeah, let’s focus on the debate. Okay, first of all, don’t look for any brilliant oration. Socrates and Aristotle have nothing to worry about here. It has been suggested, however, that it would keep things on a higher plane if both candidates were required to wear togas, sandals and olive branch crowns during the debate. Of course, it would only be fitting if Jake Tapper and Dana Bash also came dressed in Roman-Greco fashion. Now, down through history, political duels have most often been held outdoors. So instead of being inside a CNN air-conditioned studio Thursday night, this debate should be held outside at Sanford Stadium in the middle of the good old-fashioned Georgia summer heat with all the barbecue or fried fish you can eat provided by the perpetually outscored Georgia Tech Yellow Jackets and Alumni Club! Now we’re talking! The festivities would start off with an announcement by the Commissioner of the Southeastern Conference that it has just learned that Brock Bowers has one more year of eligibility left playing with the Dawgs due to a mathematical error in his California high school records (they forgot to carry the 2). Next, before the actual debate begins there would be several head-to-head “hands-on” matches of a physical nature between the two presidential candidates. These would include the stair-climbing challenge and the exciting thirty-inch dash. Unfortunately, following Mr. Biden’s statuesque performance of the “FrozenMan” at a recent White House lawn party, the very popular “Can You Dance” competition is currently under protest by the Biden camp. Chubby Checker has also requested any reference of Donald Trump’s dance moves to “The Twist” be declared unconstitutional. Also, all bicycle riding competition has been permanently removed from the debate competition.
Well, this is all just imagination, but I do believe after a day-long debate under a Georgia, June sun, all doubts about a man’s dedication, qualification and perspiration would be evident for everyone to see. If he could hold up on Dooley field, in front of a Georgia crowd, he could hold up in the oval office. One thing is sure, this little satirical phantasm is not any more absurd than the process this country will put itself through in the next four months. All we want to do is just figure out who is really underneath the sweat-soaked shirt of the best man after a real debate. So, pull up a chair Thursday night and pay attention. You may learn what you want to know, or you might just enjoy the toga party.
