You might not know it, but once you hit a certain age, you automatically become eligible for various entitlements and special considerations. You don’t have to sign up for anything, talk to a telemarketer, or fill out a survey. It all just comes free as part of the package. One of the most cherished privileges in the “growing old package” is the right to grumble and fuss and be ornery. This is a time-honored reward for all us seniors all around the world. No matter where you go, people expect old folks to normally be cantankerous and grouchy. The world expects it, so don't disappoint anybody! That's your job now, and one of the best things about being a grouch is that nobody can really criticize you because you are protected in multiple ways. First, you have the free speech amendment looking after you. Then, if that doesn’t work, you just claim you are being unfairly profiled as “an old person", and your civil rights are being violated. If all that fails, just start shouting and making up silly new words, and, believe me, that is guaranteed to clear the room. After all, it works for the President and the Vice President.
Remember to be careful, though, when you’re exercising your inalienable right to fuss, that you don’t overplay your hand. If you do, you might well become known around town as a “character”. That’s a special category of “old fussy person” with a little theatrics thrown in. “Characters” are original creations. I don’t know if they have ‘em up North, but we definitely have “characters” in the South. They add flair and entertain and make sure life doesn’t get too boring. Small towns need “characters”. They add texture and color to the stage of local life, and they sometimes use the right to gripe as an opening act in a show that might lead to several more acts. Sheriff Brewer and Chief Ellison may have different opinions about characters, but that’s a subject for another time. Anyway, next time you think you hear fussing on aisle two over the price of milk, remember, that’s just someone of a certain age enjoying his or her well-earned right to fuss, complain, and grumble in this free country of ours. So rise up ! If you are over the hill, it's your right to gripe. I'm pretty sure its guaranteed in the Constitution . . .somewhere.
